Wednesday, February 23, 2011

Here we are again

Last week, in the midst of our grief, we got a phone call that restored our hope.

Let me back up a little...
I have never shared the story with how we ended up at New Life to adopt, but I will tell you that it was not in the traditional sense. In fact, I do not know that I would have ever walked in the doors and said "Sign me up." But, God led us to a mother that was considering placing for adoption. It was very important to us that she have the resources and support that she needs, so we took her to New Life to minister to her. Then, they were going to facilitate the adoption.

Early in the process, Cindy prayed a prayer over us that I never could get out of my mind. She thanked God for bringing us there through this mom. And even if that is not the child He had for us, for maybe getting us to a place that we needed to be for the child that he did intend for us.

As soon as we lost our baby girl, that is immediately what came to my mind. Maybe this was never the child that God had for us, but simply the path that He needed us to walk in order for us to get to the child that He has had for us all along.

That's where the phone call comes in. In the midst feeling sorry for myself, grieving and stomping my feet in protest, Cindy called to tell me that another birthmom had picked us. She was due any day with a baby girl.

And in an instant, just like that, our hope was restored.

Maybe God does still have things under control after all.

The rational Rusty did not want to share the news with anyone until our baby was in our arms. I, on the other hand, just can't keep good news to myself. So, I began to share with some of our friends and family. I, like Rusty, wanted to protect us and our family from hurt, but I was bursting with joy and couldn't contain the news that God was going to work it out so quickly.

Well, we got the news today that we lost that baby too. She was born yesterday and the mom has decided to parent.

I don't really know now why I feel the need to blog that. Other than to ask you again for your prayers. We are disappointed and we are tired.

All we can do is continue to wait on God and beg Him for the patience to do so.


  1. Jennifer, I have been thinking about you guys so much and just praying that God will reveal His perfect plan to you guys because I know it sure is hard to understand what that might be. We will keep praying and keep lifting you guys up but please let us know if there is anything else that we can do.

  2. Oh, Jenn. I am tired for you. I am so sorry to hear this news. I can only imagine how you must feel. I will continue to lift you both up in prayers as you so faithfully continue to look to Him for your strength. Much love to you both from the Fransens!

  3. Jenn, you and I know that in God's timing something will happen. We don't understand, but we do have hope. I pray that God reveals himself and His plans for you in a powerful way. Come to Alabama and get revived.

  4. Thank you for sharing this. I am so glad to know so I can pray. I can't even imagine the emotions and exhaustion. He's holding you. Love, Megan

  5. Oh Jenn. I am so sorry. I wish so much that you had that baby girl in your arms. He has a mighty plan for you and is forming that special baby just for ya'll. I will keep you and Rusty in my prayers. I am so glad you blogged that, it keeps me updated so I know how to pray for you.

  6. In tears reading your blog. But I am glad to know what you have been going through so I can be praying. I'm so so sorry for these two recent loses. It breaks my heart. Hang on to the promises God has already given you!