Last week, in the midst of our grief, we got a phone call that restored our hope.
Let me back up a little...
I have never shared the story with how we ended up at New Life to adopt, but I will tell you that it was not in the traditional sense. In fact, I do not know that I would have ever walked in the doors and said "Sign me up." But, God led us to a mother that was considering placing for adoption. It was very important to us that she have the resources and support that she needs, so we took her to New Life to minister to her. Then, they were going to facilitate the adoption.
Early in the process, Cindy prayed a prayer over us that I never could get out of my mind. She thanked God for bringing us there through this mom. And even if that is not the child He had for us, for maybe getting us to a place that we needed to be for the child that he did intend for us.
As soon as we lost our baby girl, that is immediately what came to my mind. Maybe this was never the child that God had for us, but simply the path that He needed us to walk in order for us to get to the child that He has had for us all along.
That's where the phone call comes in. In the midst feeling sorry for myself, grieving and stomping my feet in protest, Cindy called to tell me that another birthmom had picked us. She was due any day with a baby girl.
And in an instant, just like that, our hope was restored.
Maybe God does still have things under control after all.
The rational Rusty did not want to share the news with anyone until our baby was in our arms. I, on the other hand, just can't keep good news to myself. So, I began to share with some of our friends and family. I, like Rusty, wanted to protect us and our family from hurt, but I was bursting with joy and couldn't contain the news that God was going to work it out so quickly.
Well, we got the news today that we lost that baby too. She was born yesterday and the mom has decided to parent.
I don't really know now why I feel the need to blog that. Other than to ask you again for your prayers. We are disappointed and we are tired.
All we can do is continue to wait on God and beg Him for the patience to do so.