Wednesday, April 27, 2011

B is for Blessed

This weekend, we had a Sip & See party to celebrate Ben!
So many people have loved us, prayed for us and cried with us on our journey to Ben. We wanted to have a day to celebrate with those people and thank them for supporting us and walking with us. 
B is for Bubble Gum

B is for Books
This is a book that I made of pictures from Ben's arrival. It is such a treasure!

This is our FAVORITE children's book about adoption. It is so well written and does a great job of addressing so many issues. Before Ben was born, I would sit and read it. It was always emotional for me, but I never knew how emotional it would be the first time that I read it to Ben. I sobbed and couldn't even read the words. 

Somehow, I did not get a picture of my favorite "B". I put out a big bottle of Germ-X and tagged it B is for bacteria! 

 My Aunt Dixie and Cousin Marlee that came from Atlanta to be a part of the celebration
The day would not have been complete without this beautiful friend. I would have never made it to this day without her support, love and wisdom. 

Many of you know already how much this man means to me.  Dr. Moore delivered Holland, influenced me greatly to go to nursing school, moved me from Dallas to work with him, sent me to sonogram school and has been a part of every major event in my life. He was at my wedding, crying tears of joy. He held me in his arms and cried tears of sadness as I got the diagnosis of infertility. 
Dr. Moore was forced to retire suddenly due to some medical issues. It was such a devastating time for me because I could not believe that he would not be there to deliver my child! I had the honor of being a part of his last delivery ever. I bawled my eyes out and as we left the room, he hugged me and said, "I may not get to be a part of your day as Dr. Moore, but I will be a part of your day." 
So, I just have to share this story of how God likes to take care of all the smallest details:
Right after I got the phone call that Ben had been born, I was racing home and got a text from Dr. Moore. "Has she delivered yet?" I couldn't figure out how he knew about it already, but replied "Yes, she did last night! He is healthy!" Then I realized that I had never told him about Ben or that we had lost Sarah. He was referring to Sarah's mom when he texted. I pulled into my driveway and started to cry. I realized that God was allowing him to be a part of my day, just as he had promised. I believe that God gave me that small little detail to remind me that He has not forgotten about me. 

I can't even begin to put into words what Cindy has meant to me over the past 12 years. She is the most amazing, loving, wise, giving woman that I have ever met. I pray that I will be half the mom that she is. She was there when I met Holland and when I said "Goodbye" She was there for every minute of the last 12 years of my grief without him. She was there when I refused to accept God's will for us and patiently waited for me to realize what she did years ago. And then she was there when I met Ben. It was the most beautiful night of my life and I cannot imagine not sharing it with her. She's loved me when I was hurt, stubborn and broken. Yet, she loves me still. She loves me as if I am her own and Ben as if he is her 18th grandbaby! (We call him Diez y Ocho since she was in Honduras when he was born.)

There are so many others of you that could not attend the party, but have been such a huge part of our journey. Please know how much we appreciate each and every one of you. We have been so amazingly blessed over the past four years by the support and friendship of so many. We truly feel humbled to have such amazing friends and family.

Sunday, April 24, 2011

The first of many...

Today, we celebrate our first holiday together as a family. Holidays used to be days that I hated- markers of time that reminded me that another year had passed and my arms were still empty. But, as I sat in the service this morning for the very first time with my arms full, tears of gratitude began to flow. 
Happy Easter from our family...Rusty, Jennifer and Ben!

Thursday, April 21, 2011

What I want to say...

I have fallen so far behind in my blogging. My google reader probably has 1000 unread posts and it's too overwhelming to even start reading them- let alone comment! Who knew such a small little guy could take up so much time? I have found that it is so much easier to just post a picture of facebook then it is to write out a whole post.

Ben is about to wake from a nap, so I don't have time today to post all of the things that I want to. So, here are a few posts that are in my head and haven't made it onto the computer yet: (Does that count for something?)

- A post about a shower that my sweet friends from Labor and Delivery through for me and Ben.
- A post about how Rusty was out of town for two of the first four weeks of Ben's life and I was a single mom trying to figure it all out. We survived though!
- A post about how hard it is to admit that this mom thing is hard, especially when you wanted it for so long and you don't want to sound ungrateful.
- A post updating you on Ben's heart condition. (The Cliff notes version: there is no change and we are continuing to be followed by the pediatric cardiologist and pray for healing.)
- A post about the amazing ways that God has revealed Himself and reminded me that He cares for even the smallest of details.
- A post that someday I am going to get the guts to post about "Things never to say to someone that is going through infertility, has placed a child for adoption, or is adopting." I am the lucky girl that gets to be on the receiving end of all three types of comments and just have to share some thoughts!

Well, he is awake now and I have a bottle to fix. Maybe those posts will make it on here soon. Now that Daddy is back in the picture, I am hoping to have a little more free time.