Starting to feel real!

Ok, so please bear with me as I walk through this journey and babble about dumb things. I know that these are small little details that no one else cares about. But to me, every step is a step closer to BABY!!!!!

The car seat and stroller were delivered! 

(Please excuse the phone picture. I am limited on my stair climbing and 

am too lazy to go get my real camera and load it onto the computer!)


I have no idea why, but this has made the whole thing very real.

There will be a baby in that car seat soon!

OUR baby!

Another step in preparing for baby...

For the last few years, I have endured some pretty intense back pain. I tried a chiropractor, physical therapy, traction, yoga, exercise, stretching and steroids, but got very little relief. I kept putting off doing anything more drastic because I did not know how a pregnancy was going to effect my back and did not want to surgically correct it, only to mess it up again with a pregnancy.

But, the pain progressively became unbearable. Pain medicine did not help and I have not slept well in months because I toss and turn all night.

When we realized that God's plan for us is adoption and not a pregnancy, I realized that now is the time to get fixed! I want to be able to carry a car seat and lift my baby girl. So, I met with a surgeon a few months ago. We tried one round of epidural steroid injections, but I got very little relief. So, we decided to proceed with surgery.

Yesterday morning, I had a hemilaminotomy and discectomy of my L4-L5 vertebrae. In English that means, that they removed the portion of my disc that was compressing my sciatic nerve. This is me right before surgery, all "wired for sound". These wires were there to monitor the nerve function in my spinal cord during the procedure.

I think that I had already had a few rounds of sedation to be smiling like this. I had the surgery done at my hospital, where I knew everyone and knew exactly what to expect, but I was still a nervous wreck! 

I only had to stay one night in the hospital and Rusty was such an incredible nurse to me, helping me all night long. I was in so much pain that I could barely move in the bed, but he was right there to help with every thing. I was able to get out of the room last night and go for a "spin" in the hallway, which my nurse friends decided to document :) 

This morning, the doctor was able to remove the drain that I had in my incision and I was able to walk around without the walker, so I got to come home. I am not allowed to sit for more than 20 minutes at a time, so I have been laying around most of the day. Thanks to some good pain medicine and a wonderful mother in law who is waiting on me hand and foot, I am doing well. 

Mostly, I am just excited about the chance to not live in pain! I want to be able to be a "normal" mommy that can lift my daughter in and out of her crib, to rock her to sleep and carry her around without the fear of dropping her! 

Our last Christmas without you

Have you ever heard that song, "Our last Christmas without you" by Sixpence None the Richer?

For the last four years, I have heard the song played on the radio during the Christmas season. And every time that I hear it, I cry and wonder... is this the last Christmas without a baby?

The first year, I thought that it probably was.
The second year, I just knew that it had to be.
The third year, I wondered if there ever would be a last Christmas without baby.
Last year, I just turned off the radio when it came on. I had not given up, but it was too painful to think that ANOTHER year had passed without a baby.

I heard it today and I almost had to pull the car over, I was crying so hard.

Because you know what....

THIS IS OUR LAST CHRISTMAS WITHOUT HER!

We are having a...

I apologize to all of you who are chomping at the bit for more details. I realize that this new blog has been quite a tease with only bits and pieces of the story.

But, thank you for continuing to pray for us. Even if you don't know all of the details, God does! He has already gone before us in this and is providing in amazing ways. So, thank you all for continuing to lift us up.

And thank you for your patience with us as we navigate our way down this path and try to determine how much we are ready to share. I want to walk in joy and confidence, but I am also aware that this situation could end in a loss for us.

There is a very, very fine line between fear and guarding our hearts.

But, we have decided that there is one small detail that we are ready to share:

IT'S A GIRL!!!!!!!

We had the honor of being there for the ultrasound and Cindy let me announce the gender. It was the most amazing day for me. I was so overwhelmed, seeing that precious life moving and kicking. I am absolutely humbled by the opportunity to be her mom.

When we came home, I (with a little help from Ashley!) had a surprise waiting for Rusty... 

Um....do you know how hard it is to still buy gender neutral stuff now that I know it's a girl? Everywhere I turn there is another cute pink dress, bow or shoes that she just HAS to have! 

She already has 3 tutus. Seriously. 3.

Not to mention an entire collection from her Aunt Katie:

We are beyond thrilled at the idea of having a daughter. We love her so much already!

And I can already see her daddy wrapped around her little finger!