Happy Birthday, Holland!

"12 years ago today, I learned what it means to love."

I have had that phrase typed as my Facebook status for the last 20 minutes. I just sat and stared at it, unable to hit share.

What is the point of putting that as my status? I don't want to share it just so that people will comment and feel sorry for me or try to figure out what I mean by that.

And yet, I feel the need to share it. I need to tell someone. I don't know why, but I do. I need him to be recognized today.

So, I turned to my trusty blog instead. It feels safer here. A place where I can share with my friends that today is Holland's 12th birthday.

I can hardly believe it even as I type those words. Has it really been 12 years since I held that precious life in my arms? I wish I could say that the time has flown, but it has not. In fact, waiting for him to become an adult (and the possibility of getting to have a relationship with him) feels like an eternity at times. But, I am 12 years closer than I was that day. I never thought that I would make it this far.

People don't know how to handle me on this day. Most people just ignore the fact that it is Holland's birthday. And that just makes me more sad. Recognizing and celebrating him comforts me.

So I will.

Happy Bithday, Holland!  Thank you for teaching me what it means to love.