Tuesday, July 10, 2012

Mom envy

It will come as no surprise when I tell you that I have kind-of given up on the whole blogging thing.

You didn't even get pics of Ben's first Christmas or birthday! (Of course, the only people that are left reading this blog are probably people that have seen the pics on FB anyway.)

I don't remember the last time that I checked my google reader and read everyone's blogs. I bet I have 5000 new posts waiting to be read and commented on. Needless to say, I will never get caught up. I just had to step away from reading others blogs every day. To be honest.... it just wasn't good for me.

Often times, reading other blogs just gives me "mom envy." It just makes me feel even more inadequate and like I am failing at this whole mom thing. So many others have it "all together" with like 15 kids and yet still have time to be the perfect wife, friend, blogger and mom. Their crafts get done, they go on dates, on girls trips, blog daily, volunteer and serve. They have it all together.

And comparing myself to those supermoms just accentuates the fact that I don't have it all together.

Can I just be real with you? I really thought that I would be better at this mom thing. I thought it would flow naturally, that I would never tire, I would have it all together and be the best mom that ever lived. And I hate the fact that somedays a productive day for me includes two errands, some laundry and dinner on the table.

I have tried to give myself permission to not have thank you notes written the same day, to accept that my child is not going to have the cutest room on the internet and that my crafts will never be featured on pinterest.

I still want to be the Best. Mom. Ever.

I thought that I would love every single minute of being a stay at home mom. I thought that my son would be stimulated and nurtured every single second of every single day. He would never watch a minute of tv. That he would be talking, walking, and writing his name and driving a car by 6 months old because of my incredible mothering skills.
The truth? Sometimes I just want him to sit and watch a movie for 30 minutes so that I don't have to play peek-a-boo one more time. Sometimes, I want him to play alone so that I can go to the bathroom by myself. I want to take a shower just once when I want to, not when Ben is napping. I want to sleep all night long.
I thought that I would be supernaturally patient with him and soak up every memory. The truth? Most days, I just pray that I can make it to naptime.

And then I feel guilty, like I shouldn't admit that it isn't easy.

I wanted this, I prayed for this. You prayed for this. So, how could I ever NOT love every single second?

He is such a sweet kid. He's funny and loving. And I do not take for granted how BLESSED I am to have this child. SO, SO BLESSED. I love him more than I ever thought possible and I thank God daily for the chance to be his mom. Even just reading over the past paragraphs makes me cringe that I feel this way at times.

But, it's the truth. And I am saying it because I cannot believe that I am the only one that feels this way. And maybe someone needs to hear today that they are not alone. Because I know that I would like to, every once in a while.

So, that is the reason for my blog break. I actually wrote this post months ago and just never had the nerve to post it. I have the nerve now because I have recently been reminded, by several people in my life, the power that can come through encouragement and honesty. God has put us all here together with very different gifts, very different journeys, different struggles and different victories. But, we are all here for one purpose and I hope that on my journey, I will have some friends that can walk along side of me. And maybe we can encourage each other along the way.

So be warned... I'M BACK!!!!


  1. Those hard days don't make you a bad mom they make you a REAL mom. I don't know 1 mom that doesn't Feel this way sometimes, especially with young children... But what my step mom always reminds me is that this is just a season in my life and it'll pass. The newborn to 2 year old stage was the most challenging for me. After that, they're a little more independent. Praying for you my new friend! Love your honesty and humility in your blogs.

  2. I love this post. I havent checked your blog in a while and I don't even know you.. but I can totally relate.
    I have felt the same way many times. Praying for a longer nap, praying for a full nights sleep, actually allowing my son to watch a movie or TV so I could relax. I never thought I'd be that mom either. :) But I am, and I have let go of all the expectations I put on myself.
    I have been a single mom since my son was 8 mo old. I was hard on myself up until about 3 mo ago when my son was about 19 mo old. Finally I had to let all that go. I am not perfect, my son is not perfect nor do I strive to be. At the end of the day none of that perfect mom stuff matters, the love I have for my son is the most important thing (to me) and admitting that being a mom is difficult is the first step to letting go.

    Good luck, and thanks for writing this post!

  3. Amen sister! You are not alone! This is exactly the same reason I haven't been blogging and I've considered writing a similar post. Thanks for being brave and honest. It is such an encouragement! You are a great mom to sweet Ben. If you weren't you wouldn't feel this way. And by the way, "two errands, some laundry and dinner on the table" IS a very productive day!

  4. I agree with what everyone else has already said. You are a great mom, you are normal, everyone has moments like that. Being a mom is just plain HARD. We will always come up short because we're human. You can't expect yourself to be superwoman because she doesn't exist.

    Also, those people that you think have it all together - they don't. No one can juggle everything. They have similar moments to yours, and there will be other "balls" in their life that they "drop" that you likely haven't/won't. People have different priorities and make different choices. That doesn't mean someone has wrong priorities, just different.

    Sometimes I notices for me, it's when I'm trying to do too much. So what if I take a day off from all chores, errands, etc. maybe even have Brandon pick up dinner and spend the day just loving on and enjoying my sweet boy. When I try to combine that with the other stuff I feel "needs" to be done, I get overwhelmed and end up just trying to keep us both from melting down. It's ok to have a day that appears "unproductive" because it's not.

    This too shall pass...then when our boys are teenagers we can look back on these years and wish they were little again when they couldn't talk back to us. Ha!


    Ps. If you ever need a few hours off mommy duty, call me. I'll take Ben :) Having time away from your little one is necessary and not something to feel guilty about as long as he is well taken care of :)

    Pps. Sorry this is so long, but I hope it brought even a tiny bit of encouragement :)

  5. YAY! Your back!! :)

    Guess what? I DON"T have it all together. Not even close! I've been doing it for 8 years, and everyday, it is still the hardest thing I ever do!!! There is a lot of crying, screaming, fits, fighting, spankings, etc., etc., etc that you don't see in pics on fb and on the blog. But, believe me, it is there. Day in and day out! You should see the texts back and forth throughout the day between Conn and I. Ha! :)

    But, I wouldn't trade it for anything! So, always remember, you are NORMAL!! :)

    Love you!

  6. Thank you! As my oldest watches Micky Mouse Clubhouse and Luke (now 3 months and not one blog about him) has some time in the bumbo I thought I'd read a blog or two. This post is how I feel daily! I know I'm blessed but sometimes a nap or full night sleep sounds wonderful. Enjoy all you can, give lots of kisses, and spend hours on your knees praying for your blessings, that's what being a mom is about.

  7. I have some bad news: It doesn't get easier.
    I also have some good news: They move out one day!

    I suck at being a mom. Sometimes I'm not even a very good human. You muddle through the best you can and try not to ruin them. Some days I love it, some days I want to run away to Mexico. You're not a bad mom for feeling that way.

    You know what it's like to entertain a baby/toddler/preschooler/elementary age/teenager all day long? It's mind numbing. It's okay. We all know. We won't tell anyone else.

  8. I don't know who Rachel is, but I LOVE her!! :)