Monday, January 31, 2011


Sorry for the lack of updates on this blog, but there isn't a whole lot to share.

We are still anxiously awaiting the arrival of our little one.

Every time I sit down to update the blog, I end up not posting it because it all sounds negative. But the truth is, it's where I am right now.

Sure, I am happy and elated beyond words.

But, I daily have to fight this terrible thing called FEAR.

I know more than anyone what a hard time this is for our birthmom. I can feel her struggle and her pain. And for her, my heart breaks. This is the hardest decision that she will ever have to make in her life.

But as a woman that longs to be a mom, my heart battles fear. Fear that she will change her mind. Fear that she will decide to parent this baby girl that I already love so much.

I would not blame her and I would not be angry with her.

But I will be devastated. 

I want God's will for this child's life and if that does not include us, then I will try to understand. I will still trust Him. I will still seek His direction for where to go next and believe that He will make us parents someday. I pray that to Him every day and with every ounce of my being, I want to mean it. He has led us to this place for a reason and He will be faithful to complete it. I know that He will sustain me in the heartache, but I still don't want it.

Will you please pray for us right now? Pray that God will give us a peace as we wait on this sweet baby to be born that the enemy will not steal our joy. And please pray for our birthmom as she makes this painful decision.


  1. Praying, praying, praying.

    aka Mimi

  2. You all are in our prayers every night. With love, The Suarii

  3. Thank you for sharing so openly! We will definitely keep you in our prayers each day.

  4. I've been praying for you and this momma bunches!! I'd love to talk more - I'm struggling loving on these little ones I have knowing that they may leave too.

    Praying for you to have a peace that is so unexplainable... praying that you continue to lean on Him. You are such a strong beautiful woman! Praying for a full heart and full arms!!! love you!

  5. Praying that you would "be strong in the Lord and in His mighty power." I think of you daily!