Wednesday, May 18, 2011


So, I am still working on that "What not to say post". It's kind of becoming a novel. And I haven't let my editor Rusty approve it yet. This is a vital step in the process because my first versions on topics like that are sometimes a bit, shall we say, "emotional and irrational?".

Anyway, I'm not getting his approval on this one. I just need to vent. And it's my blog, so I can do that here. Pardon me while I get up on my soapbox.

There are two things that I hear almost daily that are just like nails on a chalkboard to me. I know that people are just trying to encourage me with these statements. No one intends them to be hurtful, but the truth is, they are. And if no one explains that to them, they will continue to say it to others.

1. Please don't say "As soon as you adopt, you will get pregnant!"

Does that happen? Yes.
Do I have friends that has happened to? Yes.
Does that happen to everyone? No.

God has a perfect plan for every single family. Sometimes that includes a biological child as well as an adopted child. Sometimes it does not.
I can assure you that us adopting was not in any way a plan to try to "trick God" into getting pregnant. (Nor anyone else's!) We all adopted because God called us to.

2.  And if I ever happen to become one of those stories, please do not say that I have "one adopted child and one of my own."

Ugh. Really? I even hear this from adoptive parents and it just makes me cringe. Can you imagine how that would make an adopted child feel if they ever heard that from their parents? And it does not only make the child feel like "less." It also insinuates that I am less of a mother than someone has a biological child. And that hurts.

As Erica explained to me today... children come to us not only in different colors, sizes and shapes "packages" you could say, but also in different methods of delivery.
You may have gotten your baby delivered by a stork and mine may have come from the Fed-Ex man, but he is mine just the same.

Please hear me say that it is not my intent to be hurtful with this post. If you have said this to me, be assured that I do not hold a grudge (or probably even remember because I hear it so often.) Just please take these words into consideration the next time that you try to encourage someone walking this path.

I have more, but I am going to get off my soapbox now. My child is waking from his nap.


  1. My name is Erica Brothers, and I approve of this message. Amen. And AMEN!!!

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  3. I just love reading your posts! I can not wait to read the rest as someone who has had a fertility journey of her own and has heard too many times:
    "Just relax and you'll get pregnant."
    "Adopt and you will get pregnant..."
    "You don't know how many people I know that have just given up and they got pregnant all on their own"
    Seriously, if you need an editor or a guest contributor, please email me!

  4. I love this! Thank you for posting. I need to post one of my own one of these days. If I hear "don't get discouraged, you have time" one more time, I may just lose my marbles!

  5. You go girl!!!
    God has a plan- His ways are not our ways- Praise God!!!

  6. Preach on sister! "So are the older two 'your own'?" Drives. me. crazy. already.!! We are not renting Jeb...he is ours forever...praise the Lord!!