The first of many...

Today, we celebrate our first holiday together as a family. Holidays used to be days that I hated- markers of time that reminded me that another year had passed and my arms were still empty. But, as I sat in the service this morning for the very first time with my arms full, tears of gratitude began to flow. 

Happy Easter from our family...Rusty, Jennifer and Ben!

What I want to say...

I have fallen so far behind in my blogging. My google reader probably has 1000 unread posts and it's too overwhelming to even start reading them- let alone comment! Who knew such a small little guy could take up so much time? I have found that it is so much easier to just post a picture of facebook then it is to write out a whole post.

Ben is about to wake from a nap, so I don't have time today to post all of the things that I want to. So, here are a few posts that are in my head and haven't made it onto the computer yet: (Does that count for something?)

- A post about a shower that my sweet friends from Labor and Delivery through for me and Ben.
- A post about how Rusty was out of town for two of the first four weeks of Ben's life and I was a single mom trying to figure it all out. We survived though!
- A post about how hard it is to admit that this mom thing is hard, especially when you wanted it for so long and you don't want to sound ungrateful.
- A post updating you on Ben's heart condition. (The Cliff notes version: there is no change and we are continuing to be followed by the pediatric cardiologist and pray for healing.)
- A post about the amazing ways that God has revealed Himself and reminded me that He cares for even the smallest of details.
- A post that someday I am going to get the guts to post about "Things never to say to someone that is going through infertility, has placed a child for adoption, or is adopting." I am the lucky girl that gets to be on the receiving end of all three types of comments and just have to share some thoughts!

Well, he is awake now and I have a bottle to fix. Maybe those posts will make it on here soon. Now that Daddy is back in the picture, I am hoping to have a little more free time.

1 month old

SO worth the wait

Overflowing

My head and my heart are overflowing right now with so many things that I want to express, yet mere words seem inadequate.

Phrases that circle through my mind all day are...
I am blessed.
God is so gracious.
SO worth the wait.

I am blessed. 
I have been so overwhelmed by the love and support that we have received. I had no idea how many people have been praying for this sweet boy. We have the most amazing friends  and family. What a blessing it has been for me to realize just how many people really love Ben. We have been loved on and ministered to in ways that I couldn't even dream.

God is so gracious. 
Adoption was not my plan. As someone very wise once told me, "It was not my plan A or to be completely honest, not even my plan B." BUT GOD is gracious enough to change my heart. My plan C was always his plan A. Always. I just couldn't see that. He is gracious enough to be patient and wait for me. Gracious enough not to give me what I thought I wanted because He was holding out for something so much better. When I hold my sweet Ben, I cannot imagine being a mom any other way.

SO worth the wait. 
This little boy is the perfect child that God intended for us all along. He is not a consolation prize and certainly not second best. I love him more than I could ever dream and know without a doubt that he is the greatest thing that I could have ever hoped for. If it meant walking our long and painful journey 1000 more times, I would do it in a heartbeat to get to Ben. He is worth every painful decision, every heartbreak, every tear...SO worth the wait.

I can't stop kissing this face

Ben's heart

We had our appointment with the cardiologist yesterday to find out more about Ben's heart issue.

They did an EKG first and then we met with the doctor. He was concerned with the EKG results, so he repeated the echocardiogram (heart ultrasound)which had been done last week in the NICU.

Basically, it showed some improvement in one of the issues that typically resolves on it's own. Another issue has not resolved, but is normal in 1/3 of adults and will not cause any complications.

The third problem has not improved. But it is not anything that needs intervention at this time. We will continue to monitor it and pray for improvement. If it gets worse, it is something that can be fixed surgically.